Show up or show off

I was at an event a few days ago and it just had me speculating: is it really possible to show up and show off or one over the other?

I really don't think both can be achieved simultaneously because when you are too busy trying to show off are you really present?

For example at this event I was on my element dancing enjoying myself my hair was a mess I was sweaty and utterly making a fool of myself. My bra slipped down and I didn't care if I did I think I would have missed out on the pure endorphin rush my dancing was leaving me with and by trying to look perfect and show off I would not have been showing up for what life's all about: pure joy in living.

Further, I wonder when we accumulate goods or try to achieve bodily perfection are we trying to do it for innate validation or that social external one that separates us from the animals? Even when we achieve these elements are we ever really validated? No we seek more.

My answer lies on the dance floor with my bra. Showing off has its perks but showing up has the satisfaction. Either way you can't achieve one with the other; conondrum solved.

The invisibility cloak

I see you. You don't think I do but I do. I acknowledge you. The girl in the self service labs of the market checkout middle aged single no kids yet dressed like she has three working two jobs in an apartment still figuring things out. You eye the skinnier woman next to you with a list and full cart in her gently polished hands adorned with a shiny ring and Ralph Lauren satchel to match. Deep down you wonder how she got there and you sense you should be there but you just don't care enough to be there. You are here. After years of yoga and self care therapy you realize you are here and that's enough. Stop questioning yourself. You may get there where she's at ten years behind her and a bigger behind to follow...or you may not, and that's ok too.

As you pick up your egg salad and cucumbers to binge on at midnight you wonder if your heat in the car is working and catch a glimpse of yourself in the deli window as you shuffle on in your flip flops and leggings. You are invisible to everyone but you. No, actually that Oprah epiphany moment the light bulb she calls it. You aren't invisible to others. You are very visible with that disheveled bun and all. You are visible to everyone but you because you choose that cloak. I see you now you see you. Take off the cloak and put on Prada bitch.

Diary.a#4: the return of the puma from holiday

Chasing Myself

The fourth had feeling me festive so this Puma chose to stop chasing and it feels...well...unwell. I'm not used to lounging non movement the so called what runners call #"rest and recovery." I found myself getting OCD turning strolls on Princeton campus into Fitbit tracked walks and bathroom breaks became five minute HIIT strategies and I even forgot to pee.

A rest from what?

I know what you are thinking: you needed a rest from what? Your life's a sabbatical as I have no freelance tech writing contracts to consume my time I am consumed by thoughts..repetitive ones of movement. I eat and eat well long gone are the days I sat starving: for example currently I eat avocados salmon and eggs as my guilty pleasure but I can't sit still and even long enough to blog anymore and let the autocorrect do it's work long enough on here.
I guess the best part of my holiday was the realization I need rest from what? Maybe it's myself.

What did your holiday teach you?